Communicating With Your Child’s Music Teacher: A Parent’s Guide

Music & Arts teachers share best practices for building a successful teacher-parent rapport.

When Andrew Kasab started taking piano lessons as a 5-year-old, his mother would sit in to follow along with Andrew’s progress and reinforce his lessons at home.

Decades later, after Kasab became a guitar and bass teacher at Music & Arts, he knew just who to call for advice on communicating with his students and their parents.

“I asked my mom, ‘What was it that you saw from a parent’s perspective that worked well?’” Kasab said. “Then I integrated a lot of that into what I do.”

Much has changed about music lessons since Kasab was 5—and even in the 20 years since he started teaching at Music & Arts in Cary, North Carolina. Technology has made teachers more accessible, and opened up new methods for listening and learning at home. But with these new options come new questions as well.

Should you email your child’s teacher with questions during the week or wait until the lesson? How can parents help teachers reinforce good practice habits between lessons? Is it OK to sit in on lessons? How much oversight should parents give teenage students?

Music & Arts teachers pride themselves on flexibility, and on working with students and their families to design lessons geared toward the child’s unique strengths. The relationship between parent and teacher can, like other elements of the lessons program, be tailored to fit a child’s individual needs.

But there are best practices and strategies that parents can consider to better align with their child’s teacher. We asked three experienced Music & Arts teachers to offer their thoughts on what makes an effective parent-teacher rapport. The answers they gave could be divided into three different student age groups—though much of their guidance should prove worthwhile for any parent.

5-7 Years Old

Sitting in with the student

Whether or not parents wish to join their child in the lesson is up to them. Kasab swears by it for students this age. Greg Small, a trumpet and piano teacher at multiple Music & Arts stores in Maryland, is also happy to accommodate parents, though he offers a couple of additional thoughts worth noting.

“My door is always wide open,” Small said. “If a parent wants to sit in, they’re always welcome to.” But, he adds, “I think it’s healthiest for the student in the long run to be able to interact with an adult on a one-on-one basis.”

The downside to having a parent in the lesson, Small said, is that it can in certain instances give students permission to goof off. “It can be uncomfortable for the teacher,” Small said. “It can give the kid a license to misbehave, because they know that protective buffer of the parent will be there.” Rather than focusing on learning an instrument, certain children might feel as if they’re back in their playroom, having fun with mom or dad.

Setting expectations

At the beginning of every lesson, Kasab tells his students—no matter their age—exactly what he’s going to teach them, what it will require on their part and, most importantly, why he’s teaching this particular music or concept. He repeats these three notes to parents so they can help keep their kids on track at home. It’s just like checking on your kids’ progress at school, he said. Parents should feel free to inquire with the teacher about what was covered and what’s to come.

“You can follow up with your kid on how their school is going almost immediately because there’s a defined point—what their homework is and what they’re doing in class,” Kasab said. “That just keeps people on track.”

Face time (The real kind)

When April Harper, who teaches voice, piano, guitar and other instruments at Music & Arts in Middletown, Delaware, needs to check in with the parents of her students, she enjoys chatting with them for a few minutes after the lesson.

“I could send emails, but a little face-to-face with the parents makes the biggest impact,” she said. “Emails can be ignored.”

One of Harper’s former colleagues would give his students a typed synopsis of each lesson, but she believes parents are best served with simple, direct, in-person conversation.

“You just have to couch everything in language that’s easy to understand,” she explained. “You can’t use music jargon. It all comes down to ‘Get the kid to practice and you’ll see some progress.’”

The store is a resource

When there are issues with lesson times or general questions, Kasab encourages parents to reach out to the store. He touches base with the staff and manager regularly, and they can often get back to parents quicker than he can. For more specific questions about a student’s progress, parents can also reach Kasab or leave him a message through the store.

“I tell parents, ‘The staff is there seven days a week, but I’m only there five,’ and they can always contact the store,” he said. “It’s a great little community.”

8-12 Years Old

Find the music, learn the music

By this age, a decent portion of Kasab’s students have access to an iPad or smartphone, and he asks if they’re allowed to look up songs on YouTube on their own. If not, he shows some examples to their parents. Small seconds this, and encourages parents to help find performance videos of the pieces their kids are learning.

“Looking up recordings of other people playing this music is an indispensable goldmine,” Small said. “No music teacher on the face of the earth will discourage a kid from seeking out recordings. These days with YouTube, everything is at your fingertips.”

Check the annotations

Small has a time-tested system for annotation that he explains to parents. Each lesson, he jots down notes on the piece, exercise or scale a student is working on, along with the date. That way, students see the visual reminder of the lesson. If a student is having trouble with a particular section in a piece, Small writes an annotation above it. When the student is able to play the piece well enough, Small crosses off his notes and moves on to the next item.

By scanning their child’s method book, parents are able to review how their child is progressing and if any particular challenges persist. “There’s written evidence of what goes on in the lesson,” said Small. “Having all of the specifics on the actual music really helps to serve as a reminder.”

Email tips

Parents should feel comfortable using email as a means of connecting with their child’s teacher, but be mindful that more in-depth discussion about a student’s education might be better discussed in person.

Small is happy to answer questions via email between lessons, but discourages parents from sending him videos of their children practicing in the days between lessons. Reviewing a student’s performance and progress requires a level of focus and attention that should be reserved for lesson time.

Good-natured nagging

One of Harper’s most common messages to parents is that their children need to practice regularly—even 15 minutes a day, three days a week will make a noticeable difference, she said. She can’t reinforce that enough, and said part of her job is to cordially nag the parents and the students about it.

“I try to relay to the parents, ‘If you want to get your money’s worth, you’ve got to [motivate them] to practice,’” she said. “I try not to be obnoxious about it. I try to get the parents to understand that kids are only going to improve if they practice.”

13-17 Years Old

From the classroom to the club

By this age, Kasab’s students are learning rock and pop tunes from the past and present, and he encourages parents to take their kids to concerts so they can see these songs performed live. It’s a bonding experience for the family and can be a huge inspiration to the student.

“All of a sudden you can imagine what it would be like to be in the band,” Kasab said. “You really see that right in front of you—in real life, not on YouTube—and that has a massive impact.”

Students can begin to get comfortable performing at Music & Arts’ in-house recitals and open mics. Kasab also asks parents for permission to take some of his older students to local open-mic nights with a house drummer, so that they can perform onstage at a real live-music venue.

Give them space

Parents today are more involved in their children’s lives than ever before. And while it’s tempting to be in constant communication with your child and their music teacher, parents need to understand that musical growth shouldn’t be micromanaged, Small said.

“The kids who are the most socially adjusted and conversationally capable are the ones whose parents do not hover,” he said. “You have to look at the big picture and realize there will be good weeks, bad weeks and weeks of big steps forward.”

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